Love Without Limits
Rare is the person who reaches adulthood without accumulating some emotional baggage. Psychological stress experienced by our grandparents carries through to our parents. The emotional burdens our parents lived through affect us as children. These evolve into personal stressors that we then pass on in part to our children. It’s easier to be objective about family emotional history as we gain wisdom with age. As the older generation of family members passes on, many of the complicated feelings dissipate, leaving simpler truths behind. This year I lost my beloved father in May. Five months later, my mother has passed away. At times she fit the image of a fiery redhead, angering easily, but was also generous of heart and loving. Her powerful sense of standing up for the underdog and stepping up to help those in need is a gift she passed down to children and grandchildren. The complicated relationship between most parents and children can become a simpler one between grandparents and grandchildren. My mom’s best self certainly shined through in that role. A severely autistic child like my son Sean can easily be isolated from the typical population because his behavior is unusual and unpredictable. Grandma didn’t care. She was as welcoming to him bouncing on her lap holding his forehead to hers while squeaking excitedly or endlessly playing with her long fingernails in fascination as she was to our older son sitting calmly next to her talking or reading books. She loved him without labeling him. He was her grandson, a young boy facing challenges that other kids might not. Her heart was unconditionally open to him, which allowed her to connect in a way many others couldn’t. Due to travel constraints for Sean and also for my mom, they didn’t see each other for many years, but Sean still looks at photos of her long-past visits and yells, “Grandma!” When a person passes on, we can let the baggage we carried in our relationship float away with the clouds. It is an opportunity to love without labels and without limits the way my mom showed love to Sean. May we all find the wherewithal to let people know we love them before they float off into the sunset and find peace as we process their passing. This week’s HikingAutism Hike Notes from the archives is South Rodeo Beach Trail, a short walk that leads to a small patch of pretty beach in the Marin Headlands. This week’s Hike Notes from the Archives: (Original Hike Notes 145): South Rodeo Beach Trail Click Insights/Hike Update News for inspiring reflections. Browse hikes on the main Hikes page or on the Hike Search by Area page. Check out selected articles and interviews under Media. Click World Walks to see or share favorite family-friendly walks! Stay in touch with Lisa Louis and HikingAutism via Contact. See products with inspiring designs that support the efforts of HikingAutism under Support/Shop. The Links page lists a loose collection of helpful information links. Check the Home page for the broader background story. If you’re not able to take one of these Northern California hikes, hopefully you can enjoy the photo galleries at the bottom of each hike page! Feel free to share and follow on Facebook at HikingAutism, follow on Twitter at @HikingAutism and Instagram at lisalouis777
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Unexpected Paths
Five years into producing this HikingAutism website, the majority of hike posts are about trails—popular and lesser known—in my nearby parts of San Francisco, Marin County, and San Mateo County. They are wonderful trails, but they are also easy for me to get to. This week marks Hike Notes #190 (almost 200!). Now I have to think a little harder and drive a little farther to find new trails to photograph and write about. I don’t always have the time or energy for a longer drive to a new trail. I skim nearby areas on maps, hoping I’ve missed a great place nearby. Once in a while a hidden treasure pops up. Last week I noticed an unnamed trail in the Marin Headlands showing as a thin line on online maps, but not appearing at all on my paper map. The faint line indicated a path that would lead across bluffs overlooking the Golden Gate, which connects the Pacific Ocean and San Francisco Bay. A day after wildfire smoke cleared, the crystal-clear visibility made the scenery radiate. We made our way to a small parking pull-off that only showed on the satellite map. It took a minute to find the unmarked path. We started down the narrow trail, pushing past overgrown coyote brush, dodging autumn-red poison oak leaves, and stepping over coyote scat. We walked past a patch of trees (that protected a bench facing the water!), and our breath was taken away. Here were glorious views from angles unique to this jutting bluff. We followed the path through low scrub with yellow flowers, ice plants, and more coyote brush. The map was vague but logic dictated that the path would dead end on a cliff. I ventured ahead, but my husband kept our son back a good distance from cliff edges, as he tends to move in unexpected bursts. There’s a point at high places where a sense of gravity kicks in, even when you’re standing on flat ground. It was a powerful feeling I remember when standing next to Niagara Falls as a kid, and I feel it now when walking along trails with steep drops. I turned back up the trail after feeling the end-of-the-trail gravity feeling. All of us stumble onto unplanned paths in our lives. This trail offered glorious views and unexpected delight. Yet some of the unexpected turns our lives take are difficult. It takes work to find the positive aspects of the darker trails. May we revel in the simple joys of the serendipitous happy sections of our journey. Gratitude makes the hard parts easier. Keep putting one foot forward! This week’s Hike Notes, Battery Wallace-Marin Headlands View Path, a lesser-known spot offering stunning views of San Francisco, the Golden Gate Bridge, and Point Bonita Lighthouse. If you’d like to support HikingAutism, check out the new Support/Shop page! Click Insights/Hike Update News for inspiring reflections. Browse hikes on the main Hikes page or on the Hike Search by Area page. Check out selected articles and interviews under Media. Click World Walks to see or share favorite family-friendly walks! Stay in touch with Lisa Louis and HikingAutism via Contact. The Links page lists a loose collection of helpful information links. Check the Home page for the broader background story. If you’re not able to take one of these Northern California hikes, hopefully you can enjoy the photo galleries at the bottom of each hike page! Feel free to share and follow on Facebook at HikingAutism, Twitter at @HikingAutism and Instagram at lisalouis777 New this week: Hike Notes 190: Battery Wallace-Marin Headlands View Path Take a Moment
Have you ever had one of those weeks where one thing after another goes off track? The car breaks down when your trusted mechanic is away for three weeks. Someone is a no-show at an important appointment, and you lose half your day. You call your insurance company to fix a problem, get passed around to multiple representatives for two hours, and the call gets cut off. We had one of those weeks. These incidents are not simply aggravating. I don’t know anyone who has time to waste. As parents of a severely autistic son requiring constant supervision, every minute is precious to us. Feeling like “there’s never enough time” under normal circumstances, a series of mishaps can make catching up on lost time feel impossible. How can we get back on track and focus? Drop everything for a moment. Stop thinking about deadlines. Stop resenting the time that was frittered away. Be still. Breathe. To move forward after a rough patch, find a moment of stillness. Walk in a quiet place, listen for birds, feel a faint breeze on your cheek. Stopping to breathe fresh air and empty our minds can shift us to a positive restart, even if it’s only standing at our front door. May we all find a real-life quiet place, or a quiet place within our minds to visit when we need a fresh mindset. Keep putting one foot forward! This week’s HikingAutism Hike Notes from the archives is Las Gallinas Pond Walk, a calm, quiet place to walk and see swans and many other birds. This week’s Hike Notes from the Archives: (Original Hike Notes 90): :Las Gallinas Pond Walk Click Insights/Hike Update News for inspiring reflections. Browse hikes on the main Hikes page or on the Hike Search by Area page. Check out selected articles and interviews under Media. Click World Walks to see or share favorite family-friendly walks! Stay in touch with Lisa Louis and HikingAutism via Contact. See products with inspiring designs that support the efforts of HikingAutism under Support/Shop. The Links page lists a loose collection of helpful information links. Check the Home page for the broader background story. If you’re not able to take one of these Northern California hikes, hopefully you can enjoy the photo galleries at the bottom of each hike page! Feel free to share and follow on Facebook at HikingAutism, follow on Twitter at @HikingAutism and Instagram at lisalouis777 Urban Pastorale
“Oh my gosh, that looks just like a painting!” I can’t count the number of times I or a family member have said that to each other when the light and composition of something we’re looking at fall into place just right, triggering memories of famous pieces of art. That’s how I felt one sunny San Francisco day on a visit to a city park. Famous for our fog, locals make the most of sunshine and blue sky. Lone figures stretched out on the grass, reading, sleeping, gazing at the sky. Small groups lounged on blankets spread on the grass. Picnickers, yoga enthusiasts, sunbathers. Colorful clothing. Barely any clothing. Something about the light and shadows, the patches of purple, orange and green, and people as abstract symbols dotting the grass brought to mind Claude Monet’s “Luncheon on the Grass,” Georges Seurat’s “Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte,” Pierre-Auguste Renoir’s “Picnic (Le Déjeuner sur l'herbe).” Even in a large city, it’s possible to find lovely places where color patterns and flickering light transport us into an Impressionist painting mood. Find splashes of nature’s colors wherever you are. Listen for bird songs. Watch for bees and butterflies. Nature always has something surprising to brighten our view. Keep putting one foot forward! This week’s Hike Notes, Lafayette Park-San Francisco City Walk, introduces readers to a traditional city park featuring green lawns, picnic areas, tennis courts, a dog play area, and grand bay and city views. If you’d like to support HikingAutism, check out the new Support/Shop page! Click Insights/Hike Update News for inspiring reflections. Browse hikes on the main Hikes page or on the Hike Search by Area page. Check out selected articles and interviews under Media. Click World Walks to see or share favorite family-friendly walks! Stay in touch with Lisa Louis and HikingAutism via Contact. The Links page lists a loose collection of helpful information links. Check the Home page for the broader background story. If you’re not able to take one of these Northern California hikes, hopefully you can enjoy the photo galleries at the bottom of each hike page! Feel free to share and follow on Facebook at HikingAutism, Twitter at @HikingAutism and Instagram at lisalouis777 New this week: Hike Notes 189: Lafayette Park-San Francisco City Walk Not Alone
Extreme life challenges can make anyone feel isolated. As a mom trying to help my severely autistic son have a happy, healthy life, I sometimes feel like I’m climbing up a steep, endless mountain alone. But I’m not. My husband, our older son, extended family, and many beloved friends and community members have walked together on our path, sharing joys and struggles. HikingAutism readers may have read previous posts about our son Sean’s “autism whisperer.” (In Memory and Thanks) He was a gifted teacher’s aide, about to become a special ed classroom teacher. He worked with Sean on indoor activities to build social skills. He was a devoted outdoor activity companion. After his passing, new key figures came into our son’s life. An engaging teacher’s aide. A dedicated special ed classroom teacher. An insightful indoor activity helper. A determined outdoor activity guide. These and many other treasured helpers have made our son’s life better over the years. Though I sit alone at my desk producing it, HikingAutism is built on collective experiences with others who share part of our son’s journey. Though I take almost all the photos on HikingAutism (other than from World Walks contributors), I can’t take the ones that I appear in. Our intrepid hiking buddy/outdoor helper has captured some poignant photos over the years. I hand him my camera to get a few shots of Sean and me together, and sometimes a bit of magic comes back. Some of his photos that capture mother and son joy on the trail are now web page title images. Speaking of creating a helpful community, Journeys podcast hosts Mark Desa and Krystal Schulze work hard to make those in the disabilities community feel more connected. Check out my discussion with them in their Guest Updates series where we talk about many topics, including isolation. (Listen to earlier interviews under Media.) Thanks to everyone for the kind words about the designs (by Sean’s big brother, a graphic designer) on the newly added Support/Shop page and HikingAutism Printify Pop Up Shop page. I value independence but am also grateful not to walk the path of life alone. Thanks to all the people who share the journey with our son and family. This week’s HikingAutism Hike Notes from the archives is Point Bonita Lighthouse, a striking place during the day, but also a stunning place to watch the sun set. This week’s Hike Notes from the Archives: (Original Hike Notes 13): Point Bonita Lighthouse Click Insights/Hike Update News for inspiring reflections. Browse hikes on the main Hikes page or on the Hike Search by Area page. Check out selected articles and interviews under Media. Click World Walks to see or share favorite family-friendly walks! Stay in touch with Lisa Louis and HikingAutism via Contact. See products with inspiring designs that support the efforts of HikingAutism under Support/Shop. The Links page lists a loose collection of helpful information links. Check the Home page for the broader background story. If you’re not able to take one of these Northern California hikes, hopefully you can enjoy the photo galleries at the bottom of each hike page! Feel free to share and follow on Facebook at HikingAutism, follow on Twitter at @HikingAutism and Instagram at lisalouis777 Behind the Design
I asked our older son, a graphic designer, for help creating designs that reflect the uplifting spirit of HikingAutism.com. Our house is filled with T-shirts, mugs, and tote bags bearing clever and heartfelt messages, many related to causes we care about. I sent him reference photos of our severely autistic son hiking to design from. The first design is a silhouette of Sean chugging up a steep hill, rising above the “Just Get to the Trailhead” message that means so much to me from a story I’ve written about before. Sean’s challenges with autism and sensory overload were so overwhelming at times that we could barely get him out of his room or the house, much less into the car to go somewhere. We’d arrive at a destination for a family outing, and Sean would go into sensory freeze mode in the car. Some days he’d grip the car seat as if his life depended on not leaving that protective space. One day it took me and our magical autism helper (In Memory and Thanks) almost two hours to get Sean out of the car. By the time we led Sean the few yards to the trailhead in the Marin Headlands, it was time to leave. We looked at our intended hiking trail, told Sean we’d come back and try again, and drove home. I felt like a failure. That evening, a message came in from our helper saying how proud he was of Sean for having the courage to keep trying and just get to the trailhead. His words moved me to tears. Here was a special education expert telling me that we’d accomplished something that day. Now I tell people going through tough times that if all they can do on a rough day is get to their starting spot, soak up the atmosphere, and maybe plan for what they’ll do next time, they’ve had a successful outing. To see this Just Get to the Trailhead design on various items, check out the newly added Support/Shop page, or go directly to the HikingAutism Printify page. The reference photo of Sean hiking was taken when he had just started up a steep stretch of trail in our beloved Marin County. When we’re feeling our most tired and discouraged—physically, mentally or both—remember that just looking out a window or your front door at the sky can lift you up for that day. Keep putting one foot forward! This week’s HikingAutism Hike Notes from the archives is King Mountain Loop Trail, a hike that follows a 1.8 mile loop featuring tree-covered trails and bay views in the King Mountain Preserve above Larkspur. This week’s Hike Notes from the Archives: (Original Hike Notes 66): King Mountain Loop Trail Click Insights/Hike Update News for inspiring reflections. Browse hikes on the main Hikes page or on the Hike Search by Area page. Check out selected articles and interviews under Media. Click World Walks to see or share favorite family-friendly walks! Stay in touch with Lisa Louis and HikingAutism via Contact. See products with inspiring designs that support the efforts of HikingAutism under Support/Shop. The Links page lists a loose collection of helpful information links. Check the Home page for the broader background story. If you’re not able to take one of these Northern California hikes, hopefully you can enjoy the photo galleries at the bottom of each hike page! Feel free to share and follow on Facebook at HikingAutism, follow on Twitter at @HikingAutism and Instagram at lisalouis777 Taking the Extra Step
Raising a child involves more resources—physical, emotional, financial—than many anticipate when diving into the adventure of parenthood. A typically developing child requires tremendous levels of love and logistical support to eventually become a functional adult who can independently maintain the basics of food, clothing and shelter. For those raising a child with extraordinary challenges, the need for resources expands exponentially. Both our sons went through the public school system, but for our severely autistic younger son, we also spent tens of thousands of dollars a year on private therapies for many years. Providing extra supports also uses time and emotional energy for complicated logistics. And how do special needs caregivers manage to earn the extra money for outside therapies? Sometimes we do it at the expense of our physical and mental health. The stress levels are a double-edged sword. Somehow the stress of burning ourselves out with five hours of sleep and no time to restore our minds and bodies feels like less of a burden than the stress of worrying that we’re not doing enough for our child. The trick is for caregivers to find ways to maintain some sort of mental and physical health while still taking those extra steps to help our loved ones. Hiking became a saving grace for our family. As our son found his calmer self in uplifting nature environments, we parents regained some peace and positivity through time moving in nature as well. Getting to that point took a remarkable amount of work, but that determination has helped all of us. Sometimes on a hike we see a little side path and wonder if it’s worth the energy to see what that trail has to offer. When we push ourselves to walk that added mile, we’re usually glad that we did. Give yourself credit when you find the energy to walk those additional steps and discover unexpected rewards. Keep putting one foot forward! This week’s Hike Notes, David Hansen Trail-Roy’s Redwoods, introduces a short inner loop trail off the Roy’s Redwoods Loop Trail that features more redwood trees than other parts of this nature preserve. Click Insights/Hike Update News for inspiring reflections. Browse hikes on the main Hikes page or on the Hike Search by Area page. Check out selected articles and interviews under Media. Click World Walks to see or share favorite family-friendly walks! Stay in touch with Lisa Louis and HikingAutism via Contact. The Links page lists a loose collection of helpful information links. Check the Home page for the broader background story. If you’re not able to take one of these Northern California hikes, hopefully you can enjoy the photo galleries at the bottom of each hike page! Feel free to share and follow on Facebook at HikingAutism, Twitter at @HikingAutism and Instagram at lisalouis777 New this week: Hike Notes 188: David Hansen Trail-Roy’s Redwoods End-of-Summer Sparkle
It’s only mid-August, but yellow buses are already transporting kids to school in San Francisco. When I was a kid on the East Coast, school didn’t start until after Labor Day. The first few days of September didn’t offer the infinite promise of June, but we used those days to soak up the last drops of summer spirit. My parents would rally us for the last Adirondack camping trip of the summer at the end of August. My brothers and I would walk with a slightly heavier step as we gathered wood or hiked up Black Bear Mountain, talking about what the new school year might be like. When we got home, dad would store the camping gear in the garage, as if summer itself was cleared away until next year. Despite the golden glow of early September that hinted at soon-to-arrive autumn, even my dad wasn’t quite ready to give up on our summer adventures. The weekend after school started, we would take a Saturday day trip to our beloved Adirondack stomping grounds. We didn’t do a big hike. We didn’t camp overnight. We just picked a scenic spot where we could stretch our legs for our last warm weather amble among the pine trees, old rolling mountains, and sparkling lakes. The Bay Area where I live now has temperate weather year-round, so we can go on a rugged hike on Mt. Tam in Marin pretty much any season, unless heavy rains hit. Like my childhood back-to-school days, though, sometimes a far drive or a steep hike feel like too much. An easy stroll along a paved bayside path, pastel sky reflected in sparkling waves as we walk, gives us a nature boost without an overwhelming effort. Here’s hoping we all have places that give us that “not quite done with summer vacation” feeling. Keep putting one foot forward! This week’s HikingAutism Hike Notes from the archives is Blackie’s Pasture, a Tiburon park in Marin that offers a calm, easy walk on paved paths along Richardson Bay. This week’s Hike Notes from the Archives: (Original Hike Notes 14): Blackie’s Pasture Click Insights/Hike Update News for inspiring reflections. Browse hikes on the main Hikes page or on the Hike Search by Area page. Check out selected articles and interviews under Media. Click World Walks to see or share favorite family-friendly walks! Stay in touch with Lisa Louis and HikingAutism via Contact. The Links page lists a loose collection of helpful information links. Check the Home page for the broader background story. If you’re not able to take one of these Northern California hikes, hopefully you can enjoy the photo galleries at the bottom of each hike page! Feel free to share and follow on Facebook at HikingAutism, follow on Twitter at @HikingAutism and Instagram at lisalouis777 Reframing the View
When a notoriously tough prison comes into view, minds may tend toward dark thoughts of prison life and infamous inmates from history. We imagine prisoners and guards isolated on a small, rocky island surrounded by treacherous waters. Yet from high on a hill, I look out over San Francisco Bay and see former federal penitentiary Alcatraz as one aesthetic element in the overall vista. Even with the prison facilities clearly in view, it is one integral part of a scene of beauty. How we see or feel about something can shift according to our mood, a change in circumstances, or by consciously reframing how we’re viewing that object, scene or situation. I recently took a short, belated memorial visit to the house I grew up in, in honor of my dad’s recent passing. I thought I might spend the entire visit feeling a powerful sense of loss and sadness. His funeral photo and urn sat on the mantelpiece above his empty chair, the chair he sat in for so many hours each day as his mobility waned. Watching favorite TV shows and movies became his main occupation, and that was his spot. My dad’s empty chair was the logical place for me to sit during my visit. Double negative logic here: I didn’t feel that he wasn’t there. I felt like I was channeling his positive, cheerful spirit as I sat in his space, watching his old favorites in companionship with others missing him. What might have been a time of great heartache somehow reframed itself into treasuring memories of time with my dad. Fears of overwhelming grief never came to pass. Maybe this was simply a serendipitous instance of positive perspective, as I wasn’t trying to avoid sadness. I realized that sad, dark things don’t necessarily manifest themselves as expected, but also that I probably could have consciously worked to embrace happy memories and gratitude if I’d needed to. May we all find ways to shift our perspectives and find silver linings during challenging times. This week’s Hike Notes, Black Point Historic Gardens-Fort Mason, leads readers on a hillside walk along historic flower gardens with a view of Alcatraz, Aquatic Park and the San Francisco Bay. Click Insights/Hike Update News for inspiring reflections. Browse hikes on the main Hikes page or on the Hike Search by Area page. Check out selected articles and interviews under Media. Click World Walks to see or share favorite family-friendly walks! Stay in touch with Lisa Louis and HikingAutism via Contact. The Links page lists a loose collection of helpful information links. Check the Home page for the broader background story. If you’re not able to take one of these Northern California hikes, hopefully you can enjoy the photo galleries at the bottom of each hike page! Feel free to share and follow on Facebook at HikingAutism, Twitter at @HikingAutism and Instagram at lisalouis777 New this week: Hike Notes 187: Black Point Historic Gardens-Fort Mason Canada Goose Time Travel
I knew the sound of Canada geese before I knew what they looked like. Growing up in the Adirondack foothills where seasons declared themselves boldly—hot humid, bug-filled summers countered by long winters where we said, “It’s warming up!” when temperatures rose up to freezing—migratory creatures were nature’s seasonal alarm clocks. From earliest childhood, I remember feeling both excitement (in spring) and heart-tugging nostalgia (in autumn) when I heard Canada geese fly overhead. I don’t think I saw a Canada goose up close for many years. My visual image of Canada geese for a very long time was a distant V undulating in the sky as they flew in formation. I didn’t need to see them, though. Their iconic honking made their presence known. Here in the San Francisco Bay Area where temperatures are moderate year-round, many Canada geese hang out seemingly without any compulsion to fly elsewhere. My image of them here is waddling in large groups (leaving large droppings) around ponds and lakes rather than flying. As I sit in my attic office, I occasionally hear a flock of Canada geese flying overhead. Like when I was a child, it’s not the sight of them but rather their honking call echoing in a Doppler effect as they fly over my skylight window that tugs at my heartstrings. I am transported back to the frost-covered lawn where I tipped my head back to look up at them as a child. What sounds, sights and smells transport you to good memories of another time and place? Tap into those uplifting senses when the opportunity arises! This week’s HikingAutism Hike Notes from the archives is Frolic Cove Walk-Mendocino, a scenic coastal walk featuring a shipwreck and the occasional Canada goose. This week’s Hike Notes from the Archives: (Original Hike Notes 140): Frolic Cove Walk-Mendocino Click Insights/Hike Update News for inspiring reflections. Browse hikes on the main Hikes page or on the Hike Search by Area page. Check out selected articles and interviews under Media. Click World Walks to see or share favorite family-friendly walks! Stay in touch with Lisa Louis and HikingAutism via Contact. The Links page lists a loose collection of helpful information links. Check the Home page for the broader background story. If you’re not able to take one of these Northern California hikes, hopefully you can enjoy the photo galleries at the bottom of each hike page! Feel free to share and follow on Facebook at HikingAutism, follow on Twitter at @HikingAutism and Instagram at lisalouis777 |
Lisa LouisSharing insights and hiking highlights (Hikes, Hike Search by Area) from the special needs caregiver front in San Francisco. Archives
April 2024
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